7 Parenting Ways that could Damage a Childs Self Esteem
1. Bribes: Example: ‘If you feed the dog, you can have
your pocket money.’ Note: rewarding children is okay,
but avoid bribes - children need to learn at an early
age that they just have to do some things such as
cleaning their room because they’re responsible family
members, not because they’re paid to do it.
2. Threats: Example: ‘If you don’t tidy your room,
you’ll not be playing out today.’we often let our children get
away with things, so they soon learn that the first
threat is meaningless because we don’t follow through on
it.
3. Nagging : Example: ‘Haven’t you finished your
homework yet?’ Problem: the nagging parent starts to
assume responsibility for the child, who never learns to
be responsible for their own actions - which is
fundamental if their self-esteem is to grow.
4. Critisizing: :Example: ‘You’ve not done that properly
have you?’ Truth: even if the parent is trying with the
best intentions to help the child to learn by pointing
out their mistakes, this criticism is often resented by
the child.
5. Smacking:Most experts agree that smacking as a
means of disciplining a child should be avoided. Why: in
the short-term it may be effective, but long-term it
just builds resentment. Details: a child who is smacked
and feels it was too mild may reason that they got what
they wanted so it’s worth the trade-off. But if they
think you’ve smacked them too hard, they’ll feel you
haven’t been fair and this will lead to rebellion.
6. Passing The Buck:Example: ‘You just wait until your
father gets home, and hears about this!’ But: even a
two-hour wait is an eternity for a child and by that
time there’s no link between the already - forgotten
incident and the punishment. Outcome: this simply
bewilders the child. Better: any punishment should be
carried out on the spot.
7. Giving False Praise: Example: ‘Isn’t that
wonderful. You are a clever boy’. Essential: don’t ever
give false praise to a child - this is detected easily
even by small children, and eventually they’ll lose
trust in you.
