I'll be swift on this story....

Basically, I was at a party when an older couple was chatting with us (50s here).  Somehow it got to something about global warming (thanks cosmo-b for the brain trigger)and the wife asked what kind of car I drove. Now, I know a few of you will have a heart palpatation (sp?) when I say: SUBURBAN.  She was all, "when your kids can't breathe because you drove a suburban..." I was like, what-chou-sayin, lady? It irritated me because I got an automatic diss over a car I hardly drive in comparison to all the (like it's any better) "min-van moms" (loosely, not pegging minivans here) who drive non-stop or the people who commute 45 minutes (even into Burlington). I don't commute and we have 3 boys, a 100lb lab, bikes, boards, rafty-canoe things, luggage and it's just necessary to make life easier (isn't the mini-van convenient?).

Anyway, then I thought more and I was like- people who travel suck up fuel...people who buy expensive (or cheap) things suck up fuel...and then I was like which generation totally trashed everything for the sake of convenience (no finger pointing ...babyboomers...cough)...and then I realized it's silly to get worked up because we're all on damage control. Then, I said, "give me the cash or lower the price for me to get a big hybrid... or grease guzzling car. "

The conversation went no further...

I thought for a few minutes after cosmo-b's post about how many times I have gotten dressed and canned out of yoga. My husband always says, just go...don't think about it but sometimes I get all conflicted about whether or not to go...and then I realized..

It's hard to drag that mom-butt-gut out to a class when you know you might not get another chance for a week, maybe two. It does little for motivation.  It's expensive (add a class to the cost of a babysitter and you're looking at a $35 yoga class!). Plus, it's hard to stop yawning when you've been up with a baby half the night and you really just want sleep.

But I think it all comes down to a few other minor details, like:

1. You have to stare at yourself for 90 minutes (thoughts running through your mind the whole time...ooh, that's gonna take a while to whittle that down, or it must be the mirror, are my saddlebags that big!?).
2. There's a skinny you-know-what is in front of you wearing a tiny, backless top and adorable  hot shorts- you know the trendy cute yoga outfits I'm talking about here- meanwhile...
3. Your boobs are leaking because you're wearing a skin tight sportsbra.
4. Your yoga pants don't do you any justice ...meaning you can barely squeeze into the biggest pair of lycra stretchies you can find...that don't look totally scary-(I am sure you still look pretty good, cosmo-b:)).
5. You feel uncoordinated because the last class you were "lucky" enough to go to was two weeks ago and by this point, the class does not uphold the two main driving forces: maintenance (which is basically minor up-keep so you don't die the next time you go) or progress...neither of which are gonna happen in this particular class.
6. You worry too much about the sitter and the baby and om is like om...ummm...did I remember to do this...or ummm....I forgot to do that..wandering mind ADD kind of relaxation isn't the same, is it?
7. You kind of feel like you really could/should/would have used the 90 minutes to get a crap-load of stuff done like post office, bookstore, groceries, coffee with a friend. You could do pretty much anything you never bother doing because you have to haul a stroller everywhere (this gets more relevant the more kids you have). Seriously, crossing a parking lot and running into a store sans enfant  is just as mentally refreshing as a yoga class anyway.
8. You feel if you go to yoga people (including you & your hubby) will really expect to see that body "snap" back into shape- the let down of going to yoga for 4 months to still have a gut & love handles is really too much to handle (pun)...but what are the alternatives? Jogging is a depressing option (jiggle jiggle) and the gym* is embarrassing because nobody wants to see a flabby mom doing sit-ups or lunges in the corner.
9. By the time you get to final resting pose, your muscles are on fire (chataranga(sp?) anyone?).
10. You're honestly not-really-into looking like a million bucks even though you sort of are (are you? you don't really know anymore - it depends on the day). PLUS,  you won't be wearing anything that resembles a "nice outfit" for awhile. Any other reason for looking good? Bathing suit? Sunbathing with infants and toddlers...that's not gonna happen, you'll be running around with full thigh exposure (sexyness is gone there). You could just buy a sarong instead.
11. You really just kind of want to hang low with your baby...

And that's all that happens when you put on your yoga outfit and then say, "I'll just try to go tomorrow" (kind of like dieting)...

*my gym post is another story that I'll share at another time.

But still, you always feel better once you go! Why else would we go?

(turd* warning: if you hate these kinds of posts...turn away now)

Yes, my naked child...well, a quick I almost died of embarrasement (sp?) tale.

Set scene: living room, in front of television.

I am talking to a family friend ( kidless one)...chitter chatter...oh, noah won't keep his pants o....h.....nnnn!!! No way- is that a turd? Standing buck-naked in the middle of the floor, my son had what looked like a cigar (although not a cigar) sticking out from his two cheeks. gasp.

*turd is a funny word. and btw, this happened on a different day, I should mention.

My 21 month old (N), is in the take-off-the-diaper-and-run-everywhere-naked stage.  I don't care but there are always neighborhood kids & babysitters here who don't think it is so cute to see a naked tush sitting on the furniture and climbing on tables. Plus, there are diapers tossed off all over the place. He has been pretending to go on the potty but I think he really just likes running around the house holding on to his junk in freedom.

What makes it worse is he still loves to tip, trash, toss and break things. He yells at the top of his lungs and when he's naked, he looks like stewie because his head is huge and his body is  small...it's comical but I think he's just not meant for civilization. Anyone know where to find a nudist viking colony commune?

Try to find William Safire's Fumble-rules (out of print- short & sweet, I swear) if you care about this stuff at all... it's by far the easiest grammar lesson I have ever come across. It is literally awesome. I know it's not a conventional parenting topic BUT  I do know that if you are a work-at-home parent like me, you need easy refreshers about all this crap you don't remember. Why? So our clients or customers don't  suspect we are at home with children scaling our walls and swinging from our ceiling fans. Having this stuff dialed makes us look civilized, right?

HUMOROUS GRAMMAR RULES - many found in the book

taken from http://www.creativeteachingsite.com/humorgrammar2.htm

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill, corrected on this error once, responded to the young man who corrected him by saying "Young man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I will not put!

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so don’t.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous and can be excessive

14. All generalizations are bad.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold).

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Don’t overuse exclamation points!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use it correctly with words’ that show possession.

27. Don’t use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters

35. People don’t spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.

36. Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly

37. All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions)....Morgan’s Law.

38. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

39. The dash – a sometimes useful punctuation mark – can often be overused – even though it’s a helpful tool some of the time.

40. Proofread carefully to make sure you don’t repeat repeat any words.

41. In writing, it’s important to remember that dangling sentences.

41. When numbering in a written document, check your numbering system carefully

MORE HUMOROUS GRAMMAR RULES

42. It is important to use italics for emphasis sparingly.

43. In good writing, for good reasons, under normal circumstances, whenever you can, use prepositional phrases in limited numbers and with great caution.

44. Avoid going out on tangents unrelated to your subject -- not the subject of a sentence -- that's another story (like the stories written by Ernest Hemingway, who by the way wrote the great fisherman story The Old Man and the Sea).

45. Complete sentences. Like rule 10.

46. Unless you're a righteous expert don't try to be too cool with slang to which you're not hip.

47. If you must use slang, avoid out-of-date slang. Right on!

48. You'll look poorly if you misuse adverbs.

49. Use the ellipsis ( . . . ) to indicate missing . . .

50. Use brackets to indicate that you [ not Shakespeare, for example ] are giving people [ in your class ] information so that they [ the people in your class ] know about whom you are speaking. But do not use brackets when making these references [ to other authors ] excessively.

51. Note: People just can't stomach too much use of the colon.

52. Between good grammar and bad grammar, good grammar is the best.

53. There are so many great grammar rules that I can't decide between them.

54. In English, unlike German, the verb early in the sentence, not later, should be placed.

55. When you write sentences, shifting verb tense is bad.

More to come!
http://www.creativeteachingsite.com/humorgrammar2.htm

Unconditional Parenting by Alphie Kohn – LOOK HIM UP ONLINE FOR MORE

Another obvious point that is very hard to remember. This ties in with power struggle topics.

I read this book because of my oldest son.  Let me explain a bit:

Of course it's easy to deep down love our kids even when they just threw a tantrum in the grocery store or ruined our evening out with a whining session. It's not so easy, I've found, to show unconditional love even though we have it abundantly existing inside. 

I bought this book a while back because I was (and sometimes still am) at my wits end with my oldest. I love him but often I can't stand to be in the same room with him. He isn't a touchy feely lovey dovey person and neither am I- we love each other but he's not a cuddly little guy (and neither am I really). ANYWAY, 

Bottom line: he's tough, he's challenging, he's smart, he's negative, he's never happy and he's passive aggressive.  He's mysterious and he's hard to love because he never seems happy or excited to receive love. That doesn't mean, though, that he doesn't want it.  I imagine there are others out there so I'd like to share ideas fro the book. It's an excellent reference for parents with those difficult children (and you know who they are) who simply have a personality that needs strategic interactions and reactions.

I have written what Kohn calls his "bakers dozen" guiding principles to unconditional parenting. Now, before I list them, I was the first to say...well, I love my kids unconditionally... but then I thought, well, do I show it? Often I don't- not on purpose but just because of the way I naturally react to his behaviors (my other two- they are chill, simple, very general parenting strategies needed there).

So here they are:

A Baker's Dozen: Guiding Principles to Unconditional Parenting (pp119-120)

1. Be reflective. Consider your own style, personality & reactions. How do they come across to your child? Do your child's issues reflect your own issues?  (too sensitive, short fused, etc.)
2. Reconsider your requests.  Are you asking your child to do things that they  don't actually need to do (power struggle kind of things?). This is where we reflect on bribes, consequences, etc.  This ties in with Parenting with Love & Logic : try to make win -win deals.
3. Keep your eye on long-term goals. This is like, remember to "don't sweat the small stuff. "
4. Put the relationship first. Before implementing controlling interventions, reflect as to whether or notit hurts or helps the relationship.
5. Change how you see, not just how you act. We can change perspective from simply “giving consequences” to a “teachable moment” by understanding WHY the action/issue occurred and HOW to avoid it later.
6. R-E-S-P-E-C-T . Even parents who love their kids don’t always treat them with respect…I do this one when the issue is totally ridiculous…but I have to remember to an 8year old, it’s not always  as ridiculous…respect the individuality and uniqueness.
7. Be authentic. Be a parent, not a friend BUT don’t hide behind the role of mom or dad- share things appropriately. Kids are allowed to hate things…they are people too. Kids are allowed to feel certain ways, say things they regret & all that day to day stuff that makes us true people.… they can spot fake or insincere gestures and information…usually. (Santa, I don’t know how that one continues but oh well…)
8. Talk Less Ask MORE. – ask about feelings, reactions, issues, ideas, etc.
9. Keep their ages in mind. Don’t use baby tactics with older ones; vice versa. Example, don’t use distraction with older  kids the way we do with babies or toddlers- they feel insulted.
10. “Attribute to Children the Best Possible Motive Consistent With The Facts.” Mischief might be to immaturity (like “why in the world would you do that!?” Accidents may happen, even when it’s tempting to assume intention.
11. Don’t Stick Your NO’s in Unnecessarily. We constantly say no. Try to say yes sometimes…it helps with feelings of independence & competence.
12. Don’t be Rigid. That will backfire…now or later.
13. Don’t Be In a Hurry. Rushing children leads to disaster and conflict. Avoid it at all costs- rushing a child makes him or her miserable and as the chapter says: MISERY LOVES COMPANY…so you end up miserable, right? This happens all the time with me!

Enjoy, use, research at will….DB

Hi,

Since I just read the routine thread, I'll share this.

My neighbor called me today. I asked her what her oldest kids were doing (it's school vacation time).

Her kids were reading and writing. She said everyday of the summer they have a quiet half hour. They can read, write, practice handwriting or do math. She starts right out of the gate and she says it works. We do 30min of reading a night but this is one I am going to try while the littlest one is napping. I started today. I sat them down, told them we were going to do the same. I offered painting or art/coloring as an option too. My son did his first half hour and the house was quiet. We'll see. I'm also going to :

post on  a big chart or charts:

Summer rules- I will have them sit & draft some (not all) the ideas with me...then they'll know & remember

• Nap & bedtimes
• TV times (of the day)
• Outside times (like am & after lunch)
• Quiet time - list examples of activities
• Consequences for fighting & being naughty- no video games or  whatever
• Special treats:  popcicles and late bedtime rewards
• Activities they would like to do this summer - list them
• Clean up times (am & pm)
• Designated family times
• Target dinner time - whenever we are home

I've done similar charts before. They work for awhile, especially when it's time to change routines...

disclaimer: by saying  my work sucks, I mean literally, the work I AM CREATING (not the job I am working) sucks..

I have been working so hard to get my act together. I got my degrees with children at home so I floated through the experience distracted. I have an English degree, a Language Arts teaching certificate for 7-12 grade, extended literacy studies and a master's in ed. I am not rattling this off to showboat or think I am cool...I am in a situation out of my league and I feel frustrated! I will say, I haven't read much fiction lately but what does that have to do with anything?

Well, in my new adventures in copywriting I got a great job that I am confident will crash course me into the world of website copywriting... (I have an eclectic range of experiences but nothing to this level of professionalism).

My boss is a creative, inventive free spirit. She has degrees that bury mine (including a magna cum laude law degree!) AND my editor is an ivy league writing professor who has written text books. How did I get into this? I don't know. Anyway, I am writing mixed informational website content for young adults/teens on an international topic. I have SO much research to do per article/lesson page but the other part of my job includes: creative writing, informational writing, web-friendly layout and decent content for 150 topics. Each topic is going to be at minimum 3 drafts...I feel like I might suck. It's intense copy- not taglines and brief stuff. It's lesson plans and historical information...on 150 topics!

Well, I just started and already my characters are under-developed due mainly to information overload (by the time I get to writing my focus is keeping content straight) AND the fact that I haven't been into much fiction lately doesn't help. I have a hyphenation issue, I can't keep my shtuff parallel...I don't know appropriate spacing and vocabulary set up. I use too much colloquial here, not enough formal there...I could cry.

I feel like a loser. I used to be good at this stuff but NOW, I have to do all this with children running around my house and a very low confidence...I just finished my first round of official edits (I listen to comments on an mp3 while scanning a million highlighted comments on the edited document)...like, how many issues can I have in one piece...A TON. I can do this, I just feel like my effectiveness, efficiency and ability to focus is not aligned.

I am stressing! ok, well, off to bed...I am just worked up right now...urrgh

trying to make dinner? little one driving you a little nuts?

here's how to keep a toddler  or preschooler busy in the kitchen:

involve your child in any "spreading, pouring, slicing, whisking, squeezing, garnishing"...even if you don't have any of that in your recipe, pull out the cream cheese, a spreader, and three graham crackers...get inventive.

I took this list from The Creative Curriculum for Infants & Toddlers:

• prepare finger food snacks- for now or later...cucumbers, toast strips, crackers for the base, chees, fruit, jelly or cottage chees for the top
•  use icing spatula to spread apple jelly or other spreadable on bread, etc.
• stir together  cereal/oatmeal ingredients; pour milk or maple syrup into meal
• scramble eggs in a bowl
• dip bread to make french toast
• scrub potatoes; mash potatoes
• make jello & stir
• use cookie cutters to make shapes in dough or jigglers or buscuits
• squeeze lemons oranges
• snap ends off green beans
• shell peas
• arrange food on plates

I added:

•  use an apple corer for real fun- seriously, it's wicked fun, dude
• fill the sink with water & soap
• have your toddler get the coffe pot ready for tomorrow
• make your martini--- that was a joke....
• set table
• wipe table
• get forks, etc.
• take orders...like, go ask everyone what they want to drink milk or water?
• make frozen juice from concentrate
• turn music on in the other room and yell "dance party in the living room" - see if they fall for it
• wash fruit
• husk corn
• press buttons on microwave (3 minutes & edamame is done)-
• match lids & containers for you
• sort silverware
• stir or pour anything
• use a funnel to fill old jars
• gather ketchup, sauces, dressings etc.
• say sweetly and kindly...GO BUG DAD

I have read Parenting w / Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim fay...I use some tips, toss others. 

But, with three sons, I have issues with power struggles and when and where I need to get my control on...I'll share this one and I find it helpful:

Three rules for avoiding Control Battles (p77)

1. Avoid a control battle at all costs ...way easier said than done!  It's helpful to use passive language and seclusion/cool down methods (leaving the room,) , offering other choices (that I can accept), waiting until  a fit is over, keeping calm, rmoving the child, being firm & consitent. ...I get to yelling too often & regret it so I have to remember this... I can't win it (stupid stuff), I try to let it go - all the small battles...I could give &*%* if my kid's clothes are on backwards..INTERE STINGLY THOUGH: my husband doesn't agree. he likes them a bit more presentable - at the cost of ministruggles- than I do...but then again...that's his opinion & we deal with it...
2. If you are going to get into one, win at all costs - If it's worth fighting for, it's worth winning. Things like safety,  food, houserules, expectations, religious or philosophical values...stuff like that. If it's a biggie, I really have to win...
3. Pick the issues carefully- when we lose a battle, we haven't chosen carefully-I like this because if I commit to a pointless power struggle and lose, it probably wasn't worth fighting over anyway.

another good point I like:

"winnable war " comes by always offering at least two things you can live with...stay away from the "right now" stuff... would you rather do this now or later (as long as it gets done...)

ok, so I saw this idea somewhere so I won't take credit for it.

STREET RUG: driving down memory lane

• you'll need: thick plastic shower curtain liner or thick cloth (painter's cloth would work well) (white or natural).
• seam tape, if you care about uneven edges
• fabric markers - or sharpies
• matchbox cars

what to do

• In a notebook, make a list of favorite places, mountains, lakes, streets, museums, parks, etc. from past and present.
  • Include your street growing up, DH/SO's favorite ice cream stand, your favorite amusement park as a kid, stuff like that...PLUS current places you all love (ie, Stowe, the pier, the subway)- literally whatever - make a long list.
• Lay out your sheet/cloth
• Sketch a street map (pencil in first, if you want) and include some of the items on the list.
• It doesn't have to be to scale but make an imaginary town of all significant places and streets you share.
• Make sure your street rug/mat has: a mountain, park, lake, restaurant, buildings, streets rural and urban places...make it a good mix of all kinds of places!
• Let the kids drive all over. Stop here, there...tell stories about the locations, if you want.
• Fold & roll, put away for later.
• Keep the list for your  scrabook or future projects.

I have been meaning to do this one since I saw it...I really think it's a good idea. My kids play with all those rugs so I think this will be awesome!

ok, so when I asked for advice on a good "push -up" bra- I took it!

I found one that makes the girls quite fun again, if you will...well, trying to be young & cute again really didn't work out-

scene: kitchen

time: dinner making hour

action: husband walks in from work, looks me up & down (I have nice big ones, filling out the top of my cute babydoll shirt- not slutty though, let's not get carried away!)...

husband says in a shocked voice (not the voice I'd want to hear): hey, my god. are you pregnant? you're boobs are huge...

and so, ladies & gents, the push-up backfired...